I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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