2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She needs sedatives and a leash
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
