just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize