woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize