I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
