I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
barbara walters just said penis...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
