almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
That accounts for only three of the penises
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
