haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
