PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize