it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize