After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize