is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
