i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
