This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
