Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
