I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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