I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
