Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize