apparently the secret to your success is patron
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize