hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize