I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
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