There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My vagina is very pro this idea
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
