Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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