I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
