when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
