Pappa wants mamma naked
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
