Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
