She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
