Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
