um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
