i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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