He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
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