im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
