i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize