Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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