I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
