I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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