you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
