that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
