I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
