I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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