New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
