Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize