I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
