Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
