So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
