The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
