I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
