Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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