your parents love me but you hate me
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
