you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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