The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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