there was a trapeze. enough said
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
