I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
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