Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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