I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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