he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
