Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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