giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
