i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
