Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
