I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
