My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
When are your genitals available?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
