you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
