i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize