she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
