u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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