An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
