Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
