This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
