Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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